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First of all I have to give a nod to
Snopes, the best
urban legend site on the Internet. As soon as
you're done enjoying each and every one of my pages, go
check out their site.
I love urban legends. I think a
part of me likes knowing things that most other people
don't, such as info on conspiracies and stuff like that.
Urban legends are another topic where most people don't
know the truth, but they think they do. Not
only are they wrong, but they are so damned certain
they're right.
Part of the reason for the proliferation
of urban legends is the Internet. There have
always been UL's, but there are more of them and they
spread so much faster now because of the Internet.
People have a tendency to believe what they see in
print, even if it makes no sense. The best urban
legends are the ones that seem like they could be true,
and if you add that sort of pseudo-credibility to an
official-looking page on the web, you've got people
lining up to believe it.
If I put up a page on this site claiming
that I lost 30 pounds in thirty days while eating
nothing but chicken wings, onion rings, and Sam Adams
beer there would be a significant number of people who'd
believe me, simply because they saw it in print.
Check out this article excerpt from the Washington
Times:
AP -
Virginia native Pete
Mitchell, a pre-law student at Georgetown
University, has accidentally discovered a new
diet sure to become a hit with fellow students
and bar crawlers of every age. It seems
that in the past month he's been working so much
at his part-time job that he hasn't had the time
for many proper meals. Instead, he's been
filling up at work; chicken wings, French fries,
and onion rings have comprised most of his
meals, while dessert is made up of deep-fried
apple slices, a specialty at the watering hole
where Mitchell tends bar. He washes it all
down with Samuel Adams Light beer and coffee.
The amazing thing is that Mitchell has dropped
28 pounds in the past month, with minimal
exercise and while sticking to the so-called
"bar diet."
"I walk to work and back,' Mitchell said with a
laugh, 'but that's it. I'm not what you'd
call an exercise freak." Mitchell's
apartment is seven blocks from the bar where he
works.
Dr. Roy Hinkley, a nutritionist at the
prestigious Jonas Grumby Research Center in Los
Angeles said that the "bar diet" may be causing
weight loss because it is so high in fat and
relatively low in carbohydrates:
"Similar to the introductory phases of the
Atkins Diet, a high-fat, low-carb meal plan
causes the body to burn stored body fat instead
of ingested glucose. Of course, there are
possible long-term drawbacks that must be
considered; one cannot simply look at the
short-term advantage in rapid reduction of
stored body fat..."
Despite the drawbacks to the "bar diet",
drawbacks which Dr. Hinkley said will take
months to appear, many people are excited to
finally have a diet they can enjoy sticking to.
That's not real. I just made it
up. Pete Mitchell was the real name of Maverick in
the movie "Top Gun". Jonas Grumby and Roy Hinkley
are the names of the Skipper and the Professor on
"Gilligan's Island". I don't even know if there is
a newspaper called the Washington Times. But
someone can cut and paste that fake article, stick it in
an email or post it on another site, and people will
believe it and start jamming wings and fries into their
mouths with one hand while patting themselves on the
back for eating healthy with the other hand. And
in no time at all it will appear in one of those damned
chain e-mails that someone always sends me, probably
with some lame header like: "Try this new diet - it
really works!"
Recently I was walking out of the Mobil
gas station in Brookfield with my coffee in hand and a
woman shouted across the parking lot to me in a very
irate tone of voice: "Excuse me, officer!
Isn't it illegal to talk on a cellular phone while
pumping gas?" As soon as she was done shouting at
me she returned to her efforts of trying to burn a
stare-hole through the back of the woman at the next gas
pump, who just so happened to be chatting on a cell
phone. She had obviously heard the various stories
about gas station explosions caused by cell phones, and
maybe even gotten the chain e-mail about it. If so
she was hardly the only one to be taken in by that bogus
e-mail:
March 2005 :
Connecticut State Sen. Andrea Stillman (D) is
pushing legislation that would ban cell-phone
use at gas stations and impose a $250 fine for
violations.
"I know when we pump gas at a station there is a
notice attached to the pump or a pole near the
pump that lists in writing and illustration of
what one should not do while pumping gas,"
Stillman testified before the Senate Judiciary
Committee Monday. "These restrictions are
recommended because they place people in danger.
It is a known, documented fact that using a cell
phone in proximity of the gas pump can cause an
electrical charge that can cause a fire that can
ignite the pump."
That cracks me up, and yes, it's real.
"It is a known, documented fact..."
Documented in a chain e-mail, that is... And if
you send that e-mail to ten other people, and each one
of them sends it to ten other people, then Bill Gates
will somehow track it and send you and your family to
Disneyland for free, right?
Anyway, back to the story about the
Mobil station. I told the woman that it was not
illegal to use your cellular phone while pumping gas.
The lady on the cell phone, who up to that point had
been pretending she couldn't hear the complainer and
couldn't see me, turned and said: "Thank you!" At
the same time, the whiny lady started arguing with me:
"Yes it is! They cause explosions! It is
illegal, I'm sure of it!" I tried to tell her that
the whole cell-phones-blowing-up-gas-stations thing is
an urban legend and she countered with the time-tested
moron strategy of interrupting me and raising her voice.
Unable to break through the low-I.Q. force field she had
protected herself with, I wished her a good day and
left.
People are also always arguing with me
about things they've heard from some guy. Things
like if I pull them over for speeding they'll tell me
that I can't write them a ticket because they got a
ticket an hour ago on the interstate, and they happen to
know that a person can't be issued two tickets in one
day. When I ask them where they heard that they
offer up some clearly knowledgeable source, such as
their girlfriend's brother's neighbor's landscaper.
Another good one is when they tell me,
in all seriousness, that I must show them the "printout"
from the radar unit if they ask. I have been told
many times that Connecticut law specifies that a
motorist getting a ticket for speeding has a right to
see the radar unit and the printout of the speed.
When I ask them which Connecticut law specifies that,
they don't know. When I tell them there is no such
law, they tell me I'm lying. The reason they know
I'm lying is because their wife heard it from the lady
who cuts her hair, and she heard it from her cousin's
husband, who works in a building with a guy who she's
pretty sure is a lawyer.
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